Everything Comes Full Circle

My crutch, a quarter of the reason why I'm dating challenged- a man who I loved and despised at the same time, has come full circle. After giving up men for 6 months, allowing myself to reevaluate and re-organize my life and choices I've made, and break the never ending cycle of one bad decision after another has led me to the same place where I began, loving and resenting a man- creating a neverending tug-o-war between my soul and my head.

I've actually hit the 3 month mark with a man, which hasn't happened in 7 years- it's an ongoing joke with my friends and myself that 2 months is the deciding factor, that two months is the expiration date until everything spoils. I have a boyfriend (weird even saying it let alone writing it) so I should be happy right? In relationship bliss, comfy cozy, and secure? NOPE. All this man has brought me is the realization that old habits die hard. I've done the impossible, found an emotionally unavailable, commitment phobic individual that wants to TRY to make it work. Possibly my equal, because through my time with yours truly I realized that I too am emotionally unavailable and terrified of commitment. Only my reasons are different- I don't trust, and haven't trusted giving myself completely to someone else in many years. His reasons are giving up his freedom, giving up his women (it's come to my attention that he may or may not have been a male whore for the last 12 years of his life).

I am dating a 31 year old Peter Pan. So what do I do now? He's me, but a man. Do I have faith and stay strong? Or put up my defensive guard and walk away? Through all my reflection I distinctly remembering saying to myself, "It is probably impossible but I'm willing to find it, I have officially realized that out of all the different people I've met and dated, I need to be with a man who is exactly like me. That's the only way I will be happy and I'll wait for it and settle for nothing less." I've met him, but is he worth the risk? And am I prepared to teach a 31 year old man how to be in a relationship because he's just as clueless as I am? Difference is, I fight for and am very passionate about every person in my life, so being a natural nurturer, the equation isn't that difficult to figure out.....