And Again...

The texting fool struck again, it's become a weekly amusement and growing annoyance depending on the mood I'm in. Follow below:

Boy: (exactly as he wrote it... special) "how bout i buy u some chix fingers 2nite at the bar and we call that "a dinner"?!? can u get ur cute butt into see me! this is not a mass text miss" (his idea of a date- we'll get to that in a few)

Me: "you just don't give up do you.. probably not making it, have other plans tonight"

Boy: "big date?!?!?" (a little over zealous with the punctuation, no?!?#???!!!@)

Me: (no response, was too lazy to write back, oopsies)

Perhaps to understand this man (or boy, really) it's important to go over the back story of how this very special person came into my life. I met him at that neighborhood haunt I so fondly speak of on the same day I met my stalker. The bar/restaurant of sorts filled with ten year veteran regulars, prep school elitists, and popped collars and pearls with the sounds of Journey flooding your ears and a barely legal crowd marching along.

We began our flirting affair in 2005, I was a naive newcomer and wasn't completely knowledgeable of this particular type of man. The type from Manhattan that was raised with a silver spoon in their mouth, growing up in the arms of nannies, in and out of the private schools with the city as their playground. Basically, a realistic version of Peter Pan and his Neverland- childishness, a false sense of invincibility, and escapism. Only his Neverland included a never ending flow of booze and very drunk, very eager, women. When he's not busy impregnating the Upper East Side he works for his Father's business and the easiest way to piss him off, as I discovered one evening, is to tell him he'll be doing the same thing every night at the same bar until he's in his 50's, basically screwing and drinking his life away. He didn't appreciate my future telling skills very much, I can't understand why for the life of me. But there's also an underlying sadness about him, an acute vulnerability underneath the stench of false security. Sometimes I feel bad for him, but then he will, for example, tug at my friend's shirt like a newborn looking for breast milk (Freud anyone?) because she is not showing enough cleavage for his liking, then laugh at his believed wittiness. Not appropriate.

For 4 years we've been having the same argument:

Boy: "Come on, just stay over"

Me: "Are we dating?" (which we obviously were not, I was just making a point which may or may not have been lost on him)

Boy: "No, but we are having fun!!"

Me: "Not going to happen. You're not my boyfriend, we're not dating, and you've never even taken me on a date, sorry kid." I say as I try to fight him off, as per usual.

Boy: "I'll buy you chicken fingers from downstairs, does that work?" As he proceeds to take his pants off and turn girl on girl porn on his TV- all without my permission- while smiling as if that's going to do it for me. Really? That's not okay. And that's a true story.

He asked me to dinner for his 30th Birthday. I went and had an amazing date believe it or not. Until we went to a bar after and he tried to liquor me up. It's quite sad really and completely lost on me as it didn't work. I guess at this point he tried all angles with no avail, and still wasn't getting it. The months that followed involved more ridiculous texting conversations, my continued rebuttals, and the eventual discovery that he actually managed to land himself a girlfriend. Oh but that didn't stop him, obviously. After I moved to the neighborhood my girlfriends and I decided to finish our night at the haunt. He painted the picture of relationship unhappiness and restlessness with one arm around my waist sneaking perv sniffs of my hair. What's interesting is sometimes I do like him as a person, it's quite confusing really and I finally stopped trying to figure it out.

The night ended with a group of us heading to his apartment for after hours cocktails and food (apparently there are 'regulars' that head upstairs with him, as I witnessed that evening seeing them hovering around the bar and entrance to join, weird but not a complete surprise). We sat around, laughed, talked, ate, until he announced that I would be staying with him that night. Wait. He has a girlfriend. I don't think so. I informed him that it's not okay and I would never go there (or be that girl), and that nothing will ever happen between us, etc, etc, etc. His response was, "Nothing is going to happen, you're just sleeping here with me." I've actually fallen for that one before therefore I've learned through experience that it's a bunch of BS. I stood up told him to walk me home, he refused because he was tired, and let me walk out the door at 4AM in the city by myself. Then proceeded to tell his friends the next week that he was the one who told me I couldn't stay because he has a girlfriend. May I remind you this is a 31 year old grown man, classy.

I'm on strike, I'll get my fill of Journey elsewhere thank you very much.